Originally Posted by ForestFloor
Okay, I feel the need to give my spouse a SLIGHT defense. The sleeping with her without talking to me, in my humble opinion, WAS a violation of trust, but not on a level it might be with many relationships. When he told me, I didn't get upset or start crying. I did respond with some anger-- an "excuse me, where did you get the impression from our poly discussions that this was okay?" reaction. Honestly, I kind of expected he might end up sleeping with someone that month. Never did I give him permission and he certainly never had the impression that I would approve (he was terrified when he told me), but I was still kind of prepared for it.
ok i think one of the issues is 'permission'. Is he 5 , does he always need your permission? maybe some boundaries are in place, but giving permission is counter to the teachings of poly. You can say things like if you do this it will make me feel uncomfortable or whatever you are feeling, but permission dictates a certain level of control. And he is his own person and so are you.
Don't get me wrong , cheating is also against the ideas poly brings but.