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Old 01-17-2012, 06:00 AM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn View Post
Are you sure there is a real Davis under the issues, or maybe the issues are part of who he is?
I think there is, yeah. I believe in his ability to be self-assured, centered, and effective, I just feel like I've seen a lot of him NOT embodying those traits over the years. He *does* seem prone to... not drama exactly, but difficult situations, such as the roommate troubles I described above... so maybe the fact that he usually seems to have some issue going on IS just an innate thing about him.

It seems like he's just now, at 30, really finding himself as an independent adult (he's said as much to me). He was a bit lost when he left the military 9 years ago, and we started dating right after that so he was able to follow my lead... since we split up he's had a rough time but he's also done serious work on fighting his demons and is in a better place overall now than he's been in the past. Maybe neither of us really know who he is, or who he's going to become.

Originally Posted by PaperGrace View Post
Hi Annabel, I am impressed by your writing and your journey. I see a good bit of myself in your thinking and overthinking. I am a champion over-thinker, too!
Thank you! Over-thinking seems to be a common trait around here...

Originally Posted by PaperGrace View Post
Waiting for the best parts of him to emerge for a month here and a week or two there required a lot of patience on my part ... I struggled on and off to get him into therapy. It was an exhausting and delicate dance ... Are you prepared to have that story, good or bad, be an interactive part of your life, perhaps for many years?
Your story scares me with how familiar it sounds. :/ I don't know if I have the emotional energy and will to do this. Not now at least, not when things are still so new and uncertain. I need at least a little time for things to be stable, so that I can look forward to that and believe in it when things are bad.

It just sucks that his most recent down spell happened shortly after we started this new relationship, because it's made it very hard to hold onto a vision of our future that makes me feel assured. On the other hand, maybe it's good in a way because it forces me to think about his mental health realistically and to take it seriously as a potential threat to our ability to work together and have a happy shared life. And so, it's become super important to me to know that he's taking it seriously too and is doing all he can.

It's good to know that you didn't regret it in the end. You're right that Davis's struggles right now are not severe, more a tempermentality of mood than something clearly recognizable as even a minor depression. But there are fault lines within him, and I could see him going to a very dark, scary place if things went badly wrong in his life. Those fault lines (I can't think of a better way to describe it) are what I think he is not yet ready to address, and what he believes he will one day return to therapy for.

It saddens me, because I want to believe that my life partner would be strong enough, resilient enough, to face whatever life throws at us and not crumble, and I don't know that he is, or if/when he will be. I just have to trust him when he says he is working on it, and decide whether this is worth it for me.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.
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