Thanks for sharing! Wow- this is such an awesome support group! I am impressed with all of the great feedback!!
What came to mind for me as I read through your posts is that this is one of the advantages of a poly lifestyle. My primary partner doesn't meet some of my needs, and, I am free to pursue relationships with others who may be able to meet them. So- I am not resenting him for not being interested in satisfying those needs- the pressure is off!
Are you familiar with the MBTI? I bet if the three of you took a free online test, you would find that you have a greater natural temperament compatibility with your secondary than you do with your husband. (msg me if you want a link for that). If you send me the results for the three of you, I will give you some feedback on that. (I am a certified MBTI facilitator)
Sometimes looking at that can help and it can also help in just letting go of certain expectations that are not going to be met by someone who doesn't have the temperament to do so. It can also shine the light on what your husbands strengths are so you can begin to focus on what he does have and try to balance things out a bit.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.