Originally Posted by ForestFloor
I agree that somethings can't or shouldn't be fixed... but if 2 of the 3 people want it to be, what kind of wicked witch of the west does that make me, you know?
Does he realize that he's making you feel this way by continuing his relationship with her? Whether it is official or not, from what you've presented it seems like a relationship to me. Like NovemberRain said, your primary relationship has to be healthy and stable before entering into another serious relationship in order to keep everyone satisfied. Men often feel the need to play the hero, though, so he may be so focused on how he is helping her that he doesn't realize what all it is putting you through. He needs to be your hero now and then, too!
Anyway, I don't think it makes you wicked at all. I think it makes you smart. You know how bad it made you feel. You know how bad it was for the people involved. Sure, people CAN change, but usually takes a really long time and too often they fall into old patterns when they are put into old situations.
If she has no friends or support in this city, then he should be helping her find some instead of always stepping in when she needs something. I think that's part of the whole "if you give a man a fish you feed him for a day, if you teach a man to fish you feed him for life" kind of thing. He isn't helping her in the long run at all. Maybe suggest that he help her take steps to form other connections/friendships/relationships so that he can gradually step back? Then you're not asking him to abandon her in her time of need, but you are still sticking up for your feelings too.