I think you're not crazy, you're totally entitled to your feelings. I was hearing Dr. Laura in my head while reading, 'some things cannot be fixed.'
I read in here often, that (if you are in a marriage) you need your marriage on stable solid ground before seeing other people. Sounds to me like you've got a big ol' slippery mudpuddle, rather than solid ground.
I'm sure some more experienced folks will chime in. I haven't any specific advice. I just wanted to say I'm so sorry you're all hurting.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who now lives in a house far away-with stairs I can't climb)