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Old 01-16-2012, 10:34 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by cheryl View Post
But how can being poly or mono be hardwired into an individual, male or female, without accepting of it for others. Thats like saying "I'm gay, but I only want to be with straight men." If you really really feel it's right and good, it should be right and good for anyone, not just yuorself. But a lot of people, and not just my BF, are totally content with it when they are doing it, but get insanely jealous or at least nervous when their partner loves, cares, spends time with, etc. someone else. I realize that my own situation is unbalanced, but I've been reading a lot of posts here, and I can see that regardless of the relationship arrangement, most people struggle with this. Why is it so difficult?
First of all, I'll admit I was thinking more of newguy's situation, rather than yours, when I made the comment about some people being hardwired to not want to share. I don't think NG is a bad person for wanting to be mono or wanting his spouse to be mono, just like I don't think PolyKat is a bad person for wanting to be poly. They seem to have come to a resolution as far as their differences go, and I wish them the best!

You're absolutely right that it's not fair to have a double standard like that. Which is why, even if he IS hardwired to not want to share, he needs to work on moving past those thoughts and feelings so he can accept you and his other girlfriend practicing polyamory the same way he is. Otherwise he needs to find girlfriends that are happy to be mono while supporting his poly-ness.

Originally Posted by newguy View Post
(I call them poly enablers; another lifestyle in my opinion)
I prefer "poly-supportive"- "enabler" just has too many negative connotations
Quote: I beleive, to each his own. Anyway, my feelings of "me only" is my lifestyle and other lifestyles are not emotionally fulfilling to me; some consider my feelings as me being selfish and unreasonably blind to my partners needs. If that is the case, I'll gladly be "that guy". But I feel that my lifestyle is mine and shouldn't be "downgraded" for the benefit of others.
Absolutely. Your choice/desire is not "bad" and neither is PK's. The question isn't who's right and who's wrong, but can you reach a place in the middle where you both get enough of what you want/need to be happy/content? And since it seems you have for now, yay!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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