View Single Post
  #99  
Old 01-16-2012, 08:09 PM
Anneintherain's Avatar
Anneintherain Anneintherain is offline
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Feb 2011
Location: Seattle-ish
Posts: 821
Default

Quote:
Originally Posted by MrsPOd View Post
"I think her point was that if you are spending 4-5 days a week with your other lovers and Kinda is home everyday, it might make sense that he is feeling less committed to your marriage. "

Oh. That makes much more sense.

I used to spend more time with my husband and less time with my OSOs. It used to be around 2 times a week when we first started dating. It slowly increased when Kinda got his girlfriend.
My husband and I schedule to be at home together at least 2x a week, and try to arrange our dates on somewhat overlapping nights so we aren't always missing each other and failing to have time to connect. It does sound like MrPOd might not be willing to do this now, but it can't hurt to keep that in mind.

Have you considered just...cutting back on the date nights with your other partners and just spending more time at home, even if it's by yourself? If you aren't even around to so he can connect with you if he has the desire to, I don't see that he's getting the chance.

I know it won't feel good sometimes, and it could get you nowhere, but if you do want to try to build a stronger bond with him, you probably have to really show him that you want it AND be available for it to happen. Nurturing the relationship you have with yourself is always a good idea too. Taking time alone for hobbies, introspection, reading, whatever, is something people can forget to put effort into when they get busy with other relationships.

I really have no idea if you cheated on him or not, and I really think he would benefit from putting his feeling about it behind him either way, and trying to start from a clean slate, but since he seems reluctant to do so, I guess you know what you have to work with.

I'm going to recommend a book for you if you haven't read it (just added it to the book and website sticky thread too)
"How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It: Finding Love Beyond Words" by Patricia Love and Steven Stosny.
There are a few things in it that after having read what I have that you and MrPOd have posted, I think would be helpful for your situation, it talks a lot about how men (and women) act when they are hurt, and how women (and men) respond back in a way that turns it into a very unhelpful cycle. Bleh, I'm not describing it well but I'd suggest reading the reviews on amazon and seeing if it sounds like something that would help.
__________________
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.

Last edited by Anneintherain; 01-16-2012 at 08:11 PM.
Reply With Quote