Well said, Nyc.
OP, I wonder if it would help to watch, together, some tastefully-acted porn of the kind of sex you'd like. They say that men tend to be visual people, after all.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.