Well said, Nyc.
OP, I wonder if it would help to watch, together, some tastefully-acted porn of the kind of sex you'd like. They say that men tend to be visual people, after all.
The major players. Me, under-30 bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 3+ years. Clay, new boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/"it's complicated."
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy, Clay's partner.