Hi Everyone...call me Amora. I'm from California and I'm 26. I'm separated and soon to be divorced from my husband of 6 years. After my separation a guy named Hector came back into my life who I had been in love with while I was married, but because I was married we decided not to get involved. I'm happy he is in my life again, but before he came back I joined a poetry group based in the country I'll be relocating to soon. In that group I got close to some guys who have become great friends. I always feel like I have better friendships with guys than girls. Well I've gotten very close to three of them, Matthew, Zack and Ferdinand. I have very strong feelings for all three of them. And
Hector. I daresay I am in love with Zack and Matthew. Ferdi I just get really happy at the thought of being in a relationship with him, but then I remember that Hector is hopeful about having a relationship with me. I told Matthew that we should just be friends and he has not been fighting me about it. But I still feel very torn.
All of this came to a head today because my friend was asking me if I was seeing Zack, because she's interested in him. I told her we were just friends and I was okay if she approached him, but I really wasn't. Then today Matthew was joking about dating my sister if he couldn't date me, and I went with it and put him in touch with my sister. They both hit it off well and I feel like I am bursting. Honestly I don't know what I was thinking....maybe that if he got close to her then I would be able to let go of him, but that hasn't been the case. Then my other sis was intrigued by Matthew's picture (he's a handsome guy) so I put her in touch with Ferdi! I called myself doing myself a favor but it's like I just put all my guy friends on auction...I dunno if that's a good analogy or not...but I feel really awful. Plus I havent' heard from Hector in a few days because his internet is down. *sigh*
I know the "conventional" way to deal with this is to just find a way to get over the other three guys, but it's just that my feelings are so strong. I admitted to Matthew, I wish I could have more than one boyfriend. He asked me, "Well what are you going to do then?" I told him if I can only choose one guy then I will choose Hector since I loved him first. But still....
I do feel like I am being greedy but I can't really help how I feel. I am just trying to sort out my confusion and maybe I'll find some answers here...thanks for reading.