Originally Posted by geminisag511
I, personally, am a bi-sexual woman who would be devastated if we brought on another "wife" and I was left out of the sexual relationship. The weird thing is that it isn't the sex itself, it is that the sex may lead to an emotional relationship and I don't know that I would be entirely comfortable sharing my husband in that way. But, selfishly, I really want an actual relationship with another woman. So, I want to be in a loving relationship with my husband, and a loving relationship with another wife, but I am uncomfortable with them having a relationship with each other. Wow, epiphany- I am actually pretty insecure, who knew?
I told both my boyfriends (when we were starting our monogamous relationships): 'I don't share.' When I found First bf having tea with another woman, whom I hadn't met and hadn't been told about, I broke up with him.
It was a little harsh on me, when I realized I wanted them both (well, okay, not realized that I wanted them; but realized it was a possibility that I might *have* both of them), and I realized I still didn't want to share.
I had to say to Current bf, 'it feels a bit rude to ask you to share me, and say that I don't wish to share you.' He was full of reassurance about why that was fine, and I do believe him. They are deeply good friends, and that is a lot of why it's okay with them.
We have been an emotional triad for about 7 years ~ though we didn't call it that. Now we have a sexual 'vee', with me at the hinge.
So when you say relationship, do you mean you don't want them to talk to each other? Or that you don't want them to have sex with each other?
Truthfully, when I got here, the lovely dingedheart pushed me on why I wouldn't share, and wasn't that unfair to them. I realized that if they came to me with a joy and passion for someone else, I could find a way to go there. Because I love them both so very, very much, and I want them to be happy. It's in my best interest for them to be happy.
It's not at all selfish to want what you want. How you go about getting it or giving it can be measured against 'selfish'. But wanting is just a feeling.