Our Polyamory Relationship seen in a different light
I have become a Professional and Life Coach working with Teams and Individuals!! There is a system of looking at Professional Teams that has proven to be extremely effective in the business arena! These 8 aspects of a productive Team can also be applied to any type of group or relationship. The research was taken from a Gallup Poll which surveyed 1,000,000 employees in 45 different industries and internationally as well. These are the 8 aspects of the environment which supports healthy relationships. Just for the fun of it, I applied it to the poly relationship I'm in now and it's pretty cool. I invite anyone to do the same and share it if you are open to it!!!
1. Express Authentic Appreciation— Since we are so compatible on an essence and values level, we do experience a lot of authentic appreciation for one another. We each share a value of freedom and the desire of being available to share connections with other partners or potential partners. The ability to pursue these connections and then share our feelings and experiences with each other is something that we really appreciate.
2. Address Shared Interests—We both enjoy live music- especially outdoor concerts- cooking meals together- hosting and/or attending house parties with other like minded couples who have open relationships. We both enjoy building and remodeling houses, so we are working on a remodel project now for an old home he recently purchased. He likes sporting events, so I watch them with him. I enjoy dancing, so he goes dancing with me occasionally.
3. Include Appropriately— We include each other in the pursuits we both enjoy and we do not expect each other to participate in or attend events they are not interested in. If that event requires an escort, we are free to attend the event with another partner. Occasionally, one of us (or both of us) will bring a secondary partner(s) in and share an event with the three/four of us which makes the secondary partner(s) feel somewhat included in our primary relationship dynamics and it allows each of us to feel included to a certain extent in the dynamics of the secondary relationships.
4. Keep All Your Agreements—when we started the poly lifestyle, we had more agreements than were necessary, so gradually we reduced them as we got more comfortable. Our agreements are to be completely honest, trust one another, respect one another and be considerate.
5. Live in Reality-based Optimism— We regularly adjust our reality-based optimism as reality is experienced. We stay in reality by sharing our thoughts, feelings, desires and disappointments. As we support one another in authentic sharing, the reality becomes foundational. We have had some surprises in terms of how we expected to react or respond to different aspects of this experience. As we process the actual reactions and responses, our optimism is based on experiential reality.
6. Be Outcome Committed—We are committed to nurture our long term connection with each other in honesty, trust and respect. We show that by continuing to create things together for the future and we look towards the future and our lives together in that future.
7. Avoid Blaming and Complaining—we did a fair amount of this in the beginning when we were monogamous and trying to possess one another. We also had the idea that “you are my everything” and there was more pressure on each of us which led to frequent disappointment with one another. Since opening our relationship several years ago, there hasn’t been any blaming or complaining.
8. Clarify Roles, Authority, and Accountability—We gladly take on roles and authority over the areas which align with our individual strengths and talents- and we alternately surrender roles and authority over the areas we are not so suited for. The honesty, trust and respect that we have for one another supports an accountability which comes naturally.
The key to life is in being fully engaged and peacefully detached simultaneously and authentically in each moment.
Last edited by idealist; 01-16-2012 at 04:29 AM.