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Old 01-16-2012, 03:59 AM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
Join Date: Nov 2010
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Originally Posted by hyperskeptic View Post
Isn't part of the point of polyamory that I don't have to be all things to one particular partner, that I don't have to change deep-rooted and, frankly, non-negotiable things about myself to fit someone else's mold?
Asking a partner to try a few new things in the bedroom is not asking for them to make fundamental changes in who they are. I would think that all suggestions should be made in the spirit of discovery and fun, not in trying to change a person. It should be like, "Hey, honey, let's try something new! I think I would like you to..."

Don't we all need to learn what our partners like sexually? Nobody walks into an intimate relationship automatically knowing everything there is to know about how to please the other person. Personally, I see an unwillingness to be taught new things and an adherence to only making love one way without acquiring new skills/tricks/techniques, as rather rigid and close-minded. As well as boring. I don't need rough sex, but my favorite lovers are the ones who make it different every time we're together. Change it up so I don't know what to expect every time! Nothing wrong with having a larger repertoire of skills. Try some things, if it doesn't feel right, move on, try something else.

Besides, don't forget -- the OP has stated that her lover specifically wants to learn how to "unleash the animal inside" but doesn't know how to get started. So our suggestions are not about changing him, but are about finding ways for him to explore something he's interested in and willing to do, but just clueless about how to go about getting there. So, there's no reason to take these suggestions as trying to impose something on him.
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Last edited by nycindie; 01-16-2012 at 07:13 AM.
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