Hi guys, thanks for the advice. Especially the stuff about jealousy opalescent - that's definitely something I need to work on. So really appreciate bringing the focus back to that, it'll help a lot if I can figure it out more, and work on my own insecurities
Yeah, newguy, it's really complicated.
I tried to forget about her. I really, really tried. And even when I thought I'd forgotten about her, I'd suddenly have a dream and it'd all come rushing back.
I just literally could not get her out of my mind. And I love him, I loved him, and we had a great relationship - but part of me was always suppressed. And I wasn't truly happy. I knew I wasn't truly happy, but I couldn't figure out why.
When I finally told him about my feelings for her, I felt happy for the first time in a very long time. Like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders.
It was about acceptance. I needed him to accept that she was part of me. Even if I never see her again, I need to be able to talk about her, and have him love the part of me that loves her - does that make sense?
Obviously, he doesn't want to do that. And I can well understand!
For me it's that I'm deeply in love with this other woman, and if it's not her, then there's nobody else I'll go with. But in a way I reckon that makes it worse.
I dunno - I think maybe if I were you I'd be trying to explore a bit more why your girlfriend really feels she needs to do this.
What I can say is that when I felt my man accepted, then I wanted to stay with him. Him giving me freedom actually made me want to be with him more.
Like when we started going out and he said, yeah, you can sleep with whom you like. That made me not want to go out and sleep with other people, because I felt so free!
I think that communication, as much communication as humanly possible is best. At least that way, you will know how she feels, and she will know how you feel, and then you'll be on the same page, whatever page that is.
Don't know if that helps, but thanks for your comment anyway!