Secondary doesn't mean less love, necessarily. Secondary usually means the lover that you don't live with, don't share living expenses and childcare. People that have 2 primaries generally live with both, or neither.
I'm sorry your lover and your h's gf have sucked up so much of your attention for each other as primaries... NRE can be hard to handle.
Regaining intimacy with each other will take work. It sounds like coming to this board for advice was a last chance KindaPOed took to save you marriage. All is not lost.
Love withers under constraint; its very essence is liberty. It is compatible neither with envy, jealousy or fear. It is there most pure, perfect and unlimited when its votaries live in confidence, equality and unreserve. -- Shelley
There's no lying in polyamory!
I'm a 58 year old woman with 2 partners:
miss pixi, my live-in gf, 36 (together since Jan '09)
Ginger, bf, 61, married, lives nearby (together since Jan '12)