Hi, I've been in a monogamous relationship for the last three years. Though I wanted us to try poly my girlfriend has been very much against it. This has been an issue between us through a lot of very good intimate conversations, more so as she has a much lower sex drive than me.
Then recently she suggested that I did go and "do what I need to do." That while she still didn't like the idea she felt it could work between us. Again much discussion, both of us scared of screwing up our relationship but also, for me at least feelings of excitement and huge gratitude that she loves me enough to let me do this.
After talking in detail I made a date with an ex lover (for tomorrow...) and all seemed well but a couple of days ago my girlfriend told me she felt like "she'd been kicked in the stomach" and I've been in turmoil since then; she isn't asking me to stop but I don't want to cause her this kind of hurt and it has taken away my excitement and enjoyment. I don't know if this is a temporary part of acclimatising to the shift in our boundaries or something that will seriously undermine our trust. We've agreed that I will keep the date but probably not have sex for now and see how she feels then about me taking it further.
This has all been a long time coming and important to me. I want honour my partner's feelings and be caring of her without denying myself or dishonouring what I want.