Originally Posted by BlackUnicorn
As to belonging here or not, I think that many people here would agree with a definition of a polyamorous person as someone who has the ability and willingness to form multiple romantic relationships, or simply as someone who is capable of loving multiple people romantically at the same time, whether they in actuality be celibate, monogamous, cheating, swinging, open or in a poly situation.
I disagree. I believe most people here would not say a person is polyamorous if they are just swinging, and definitely not if they are just cheating. They can do these things AND be poly, but either cheating or swinging alone is not polyamory by any means.
However, that doesn't mean the OP isn't welcome here to ask questions and figure things out for herself. But cheating is cheating, not poly.
Carrie, just in case you weren't sure, most people cite this as a good working definition of polyamory: "The practice, state, or ability of having more than one intimate loving relationship at the same time, with the full knowledge and consent of all partners involved."
The full knowledge and consent of all parties involved is an important element. If poly is what you want, there may have to be some choices made about being honest and open in your relationships. A lot of people come to poly through cheating, but that's usually when they stop hiding out. Personally, I don't see what you're doing as cheating in regard to your husband, because you and he are separated, but your boyfriend is cheating and you are a party to the disrespect he is showing his wife by doing that. The difference between cheating and polyamory is that cheating is dishonest and unethical, while honesty and openness is crucial for poly to work. Poly is a form of ethical, responsible non-monogamy.