Originally Posted by PolyKat
.. At this point, my fiance's stomach turns to knots when he thinks of it, so I'm not yet pressing to get a glimpse inside of his head.. so I wanted to ask you.
I always smiled at the thought of my man loving or loving on another woman, so I can't understand his feelings and he is not yet able to express them fully. I used to think it was simply a masculinity thing, but I think it goes deeper than that
God, I wish I knew. If you ever find out post it here.
I'm currently in a Vee relationship with a man who doesnt want me or his other girlfriend to be with any other man. Neither she or I really have time for another relationship, so although it is fundamentally unfair, it hasnt been a deal breaker so far.
But it is baffling.
I said to him a while ago: "You say that loving her doesnt make you don't love me any less', that its not a competition, that she and I are both unique individuals, that you've never been happier, that you really like feeling loved and cared for by two women and feeling like you've added happiness to our lives as well. So if all your reasons are positive and not selfish, and there's absolutely no reason for us to feel jealous or insecure, - If all this is true, and this has been such a wonderful, fulfilling experience for you, why wouldnt you want us to experience the same thing? Why wouldnt you say, I hope that if I cant be with you because I'm with the other one, or busy with work, you will have someone else you care about to make you happy, go places with, and talk to, or hold you at night?"
And his answer was: "I can't. I just couldn't stand to have either of you with another man. I couldnt handle it."
I read the other posts about historical views about women as property, but I'm not sure I agree that's the reason. Political thinking and even ones cultural upbringing seems to be amendable to reason, logic, experience. His reaction seems to be a lot more deep seated and emotional. I do wonder if it isnt hardwired into the brains of certain men, although I realize that sounds sexist. I swear, the illogicalness of his position on this makes me crazier than the unfairness of it.
So I hope someone answers your question.