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Old 01-14-2012, 07:37 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gwendolenthefair View Post
nycindie, you seem to be quite fond of the word "vilify."
My last post was the first time I used the word in this thread. ViableAlternative used it before me.

Nevertheless, all your defensive posturing about how unreasonable his wife is being doesn't matter. Like I and others have said, she doesn't need to justify her reasons to you for not wanting him to stop using condoms. She doesn't have to have the same reasons you do about why it's safe if she is uncomfortable with him going bareback. Others have said here that some people like to feel special by being the only one their partner goes condomless with. It doesn't matter that that isn't good enough for you. She has her own reasons and if her husband isn't happy with those terms, that is between him and her to renegotiate. Why are you so insistent that she change for you? And at such an early stage of your relationship with him? It almost sounds like you've been brainwashed by his complaining. I think you're smarter than that.

Odd, also, how you overlooked several posts where people are telling you that his agreements with her are his business, not yours, and that if you choose to stay in the relationship, pushing him to break his boundaries is not nice and borders on being unethical. You haven't responded about how you would feel if your husband had a gf asking you to change your boundaries for her before you were ready.

All you really need to deal with are his unwilling willy and your issues surrounding that, not hers. I'm done.
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-14-2012 at 07:58 PM.
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