View Single Post
Old 11-14-2009, 07:00 PM
Magdlyn's Avatar
Magdlyn Magdlyn is offline
Senior Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Metro West Massachusetts
Posts: 4,370

Hi, I'm Magdlyn, my friends call me Mags. I am cribbing some things here from my intro thread.

I am pansexual, poly and 54 yrs old. I'm an artist, sometimes florist. I also volunteer as a lactation specialist for an international organization, which has been a huge part of my life for over 20 years. I have 3 adult kids, 23, 21 and 18.

I've been practicing polyamory seriously since January, but have had an interest in it for a long time. I am separated from my husband for one year. We just sold our house last month. He had moved out in Sept 08. Now I am in my own apt.

We experimented w opening our relationship w another woman about 10 yrs ago (soon after my h *finally* accepted my bisexuality!). It was supposed to be a 3way. I guess we were hunting unicorns. It was rather disastrous, as their NRE drove me crazy. They declared they were soul mates. My h neglected my needs. I made them break it off as lovers, but said they could remain friends. Long story short... As of this summer, she's now living w him. It's fine, she's welcome to him w his issues. We'd grown apart anyway.

In January I met my (transgendered) gf, m, on okc right after i joined there... she's 32. I adore her! She's been poly all her life and is quite cool with me seeing and having sex w others. Due to rebounding from her former relationship, and our NRE, she didnt start chatting with or seeing others til just recently. And now I've got my jealousy and fear to deal with.

M met a local guy, A, on okc and has had 3 dates. It's been difficult for me b/c she seems to not meet my needs for security around this each time she has a date.

I've met and dated about 12 ppl beside her this year. Each time I made sure to let her know his/her name, address and what time I'd be home. And when we do reconnect I make sure to give her lots of snuggles and attention afterward. (Btw, 3 or 4 of these men I've dated are still in my life to one extent or another.)

However, on m's first date with A, I was here at her place while she was getting ready. She was distant from me emotionally while doing this, but that was OK, she was nervous. It became a 5 hr lunch date and what sucked was, she was also distant when she got home. Then she just started bubbling over about how great he was.

Next date, one week later, she made it w/o checking w me first. Unfortunately it was for the following night, Halloween, and I had thought we'd be together, Saturday night as it was.

So, that day sucked. I stayed at my apt and was v lonely and depressed. The next morning i went to her place and she hadnt come home. The new guy lives closeby in Cambridge but she'd missed the last bus home. Theyre only abt 2 miles apart.

Then i realized I still didnt know his full name and address. Well, she came home about a half hr later, 11:30. I didnt know she'd missed the last bus, just knew she was out walking the streets on Halloween alone and that was a bit disturbing.

Well, so we made up again. She'd spent the night in his guest room (he's a married man, bi, married to another man, M is his first woman). Theyd made out but didnt have sex, her choice.

Next date, just 11 days after that one. I live 20 miles away from her, so its nerve wracking knowing new guy is so much closer. This time he was coming to her place, midweek. Well, she invited him to stay over! I admit I wasnt real cool with all this sleeping over stuff, 14 hr dates, so early in their relationship.

This time they were even more intimate and slept together all night.

Well. A day or 2 later her friend emailed her to say his husband wasnt cool w the sleeping over stuff either. That was a relief.

So, anyway, I have been trained in responsive listening for my breastfeeding counseling job, our communication skills are ok. She's not had such a good communicator as a partner before. Shes been poly all her life, but is kinda so relaxed about it, it's hard on me. I felt she wasnt meeting my needs and told her how that felt and she's been very sweet and caring about it. But its tough bc each time she has a date, she hurts me in a way we hadnt prepared for.


We just spent several days together. We talked it all out. I made my needs clear... she was very attentive and loving and affectionate all weekend. Her new bf, A, has heard all about me. He also saw my artwork scattered around her house and is eager to meet me. He goes out of town on business a lot, but the next time he's home, he wants us all to meet and do something together. A couple weeks ago, M (my gf) had also met another of my lovers for the first time. So, we are making progress in this "family" thing. It really trips me out!

Edit: I met m's friend A on Yule. He came her w a new bf of his and we had a little ritual and dinner. I was amazed, I was not jealous at all, even tho the 2 men and m sat on the couch and I sat on a chair, for dinner and chat afterwards. It just felt like all friends together.

Oddly even tho I was prepared for things to progress, m hasnt been in the mood to date others since then. She is job hunting and nearly broke and just doesnt have the energy, I guess. So, that's all on hold for now. I feel sort of bad for A!

Meanwhile, m and I will celebrated our one yr anniversary on Jan 31!

Also meanwhile, I still see my 21 yo boytoy about once a month for a booty call (we've been a thing since last March). And a couple wks ago I met a 31 yr old guy on okc, with whom I have had 3 dates! We go out to dinner and movies, it's like almost an actual boyfriend. I have a big crush on him, I hope we continue to progress. We have already planned our 4th date, but not set a day yet... soon, I hope. He is super cute, nice, quiet, smart, into films and music, and gainfully employed as a plumber in his mom's business. On our 3rd date, after the movie, i had him back to my apt and he slept over... I made him breakfast in the morning and get this: he did the dishes afterward! He's a keeper just for that, as a friend told me. lol

Last edited by Magdlyn; 01-18-2010 at 07:33 PM.
Reply With Quote