My boyfriend is not blaming his wife for our sexual issues. He does think she is being unreasonable because, like me, he believes that fluid bonding is a safety issue, period. He is not breaking any agreements at present. He said that he wants to wait until a year has passed (not a year in our relationship, a year from NOW), and try to renegotiate their agreement (assuming we are still in a position to fluid bond safely). If she refuses to do so, he may act without her support. If he does that, he is willing to accept whatever consequences she decides on to keep herself safe.
We both believe that a poly relationship should proceed at the pace of the slowest partner, but if one partner is completely halted in their tracks and refuses to progress at all, then there is a serious problem that may not be solvable. I hope that is not the case here. We'll see.
Many men have ED with condoms and are basically functional without. I have passed on more than one lover because of this issue, people I would never have considered fluid bonding with. I also had a serious partner who was 28 years old and had this issue, with me, and with the woman he dated after me, but never with his wife, who was the only person he ever fluid bonded with.
Magdlyn, I like your practical solutions and I am definitely dating locally and open to having another partner. Alas, I am already married to a man with some ED issues. (No condoms used here either, just years of sex therapy, weekly testosterone shots, bottles of Cialis, and a whole lot of him flying off the handle because of what he imagines I am thinking or feeling. Sigh.)