Hi, I've been with my partner for 9 years and am deeply in love with and committed to him.
I always thought I was straight, but realised two years ago that my feelings of 'love' for another woman were not just platonic.
Yeah. Major denial.
I've been in love with her since I was about 14, we met at school - and just had this really, really intense friendship. We haven't seen each other since I started going out with my partner.
I told him a year ago that I love her, and he went nuts. He tried to break up with me, then got back together with me, then broke up, back together, broke up, back together.
Now he doesn't want to talk to me at all. He read my diary so he knows exactly how deeply I feel about this other person. I tried to give her up for him because I just didn't want to lose our relationship. But now I've told him definitively that I cannot pretend not to love her, and I want to see if I can get in touch with her again. I've tried hard to explain how important this is, and to be flexible and discuss his needs/my needs, possible boundaries, how we could support each other better etc. But he doesn't want to listen or engage in a dialogue about it. He just wants me to "choose".
Is there anything I can do to help us get through this? I know I would feel SOOOO jealous if he said he was in love with another woman. So I understand how he feels, and why he doesn't want to be with me. And I feel REALLY guilty because it seems I'm being so hypocritical, expecting him to accept something I would absolutely struggle with.
Now I don't know what to do, because either way, it breaks my heart.
Does anyone have any advice about this? All of my friends say I should either forget about him and move on, or forget about her and move on. Neither of which has really helped much
I know that my partner loves me deeply, and he was open to me having other relationships when we first started dating (it was a condition I set down straight away, because he's much older than me and I didn't want to regret not having other sexual experiences) - but now he's totally against it.
He encourages me not to say anything about this other woman, but then criticises me for not being honest and breaking his trust.
I don't know what to do...