So, one night, you're out with the new lover, and the first bf unexpectedly has some time free up in his schedule. Why would it be unfair for him to go out with someone else if you're not available? Would you drop the plans you have with the new lover just to run and be with first bf now that he's available? That wouldn't be nice to the new bf, and would be really co-dependent with the current bf, so... if you have other lovers, why shouldn't your bf?
You are not wrong. If I'm unavailable, then he is certainly free to do as he wishes - though it hardly ever works out that I'm unavailable when he is. Lately, anyway. The biggest problem is we live some distance away from one another and my place is not usually available, nor is his, obviously.
I do worry that we would both find another lover much more convenient if they live closer and can host. It would be too easy to pop over and see the other one.
In my mind, I should still be the "first wife," and he should still be the "first husband." Should it be more of an equal thing among all parties? And should I tell a new lover about my bf. And vice versa? One of them already knows about bf.
Yes, we are both cheating - except I don't even live with my spouse. And bf doesn't have sex with his. I believe him.
I don't know if it's swingerish, since I'm not really up on that, but I guess swinging could be NSA, with different couples every time - or more of a long-term, intermittent event with the same couple.
It's all new to me, too.
I think what started it all was finding out bf is bi - bisexual and bipolar. I suggested a threesome - MMF. Kind of snowballed...slowly...from there. With constant communication to make sure no one feels pressured in any way. He had to convince ME it was okay with HIM if I slept with someone else, after all.