I'm still amazed at the walking away without a scratch part. That's amazing!
I'm not trying to pick on you, I promise. I think exploring the community and the idea of poly is a great idea, and I hope you are able to find happiness. If your wife isn't willing to work with you, then you're right, nothing will change. Maybe she will see you being there for her but taking the steps to take care of yourself as a sign she needs to put more effort out too.
Oh, and if you're house trained, does that mean you always remember to put the lid down?! Because my husband could really use a lesson or two and I just don't know how to approach it in a new way that will stick!