Good points, SG. I think it's very important to make the distinction that you can call out behaviors as "abusive behaviors" without labeling a person an "abusive person". But the word itself may be inflammatory, and making someone feel insulted/defensive is rarely a good way to generate productive dialogue, except inasmuch as it gets attention.
The major players. Me, 30ish bi female. Gia, girlfriend of 4+ years. Clay, boyfriend/dom. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eddie, roommate & fwb.
The supporting cast. Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler. Dexter, Gia's lover. Helen, Eric's lover. Izzy and Nikki, Clay's partners. Liam, Eddie's husband.