I've found the answer! (I think. I hope.)
I am a decent, respectable woman whose life was derailed by the fact that I am not by nature monogamous, or vanilla. 'Playing away' to get my kink attended to led to the end of my marriage and caused tremendous pain for my entire family. To say I have regrets would be an understatement.
I have been celibate for years pondering the way ahead. I don't want to hurt anyone or lie or cheat ever again. But I can't deny my kink, and I can't pretend I will be faithful to one man forever and ever, and the chances of finding a life partner who shares my kink in this small city are extremely remote. I don't like casual sex. I am made for relationships, and have found that for me, a relationship may change in its nature but the connection and the caring go on.
I was excited when I thought of a solution: polyamory. What I have been missing most is warm, loving, ordinary cuddling up in bed. Vanilla sex is still my default setting. There must be a vanilla man out there who would like a LTR relationship with me and wouldn't mind me getting my kinky itch scratched by a third party.
I'm just at the start of my journey. I'm excited and apprehensive, and hope I'm being realistic. I know it's a minefield and expect I will need lots of support and advice. Thank god for the net.