Originally Posted by vermin06
His jealousy (even if it has gotten "a little better"), to the point where he has chased off friends of yours in the past, does speak loudly about him, but the fact that you encouraged this (with good intentions of course) also says something about you. It says that you may be willing to do more than your fair share for his sake and his feelings, when really those things are HIS problems, and his alone to deal with, at the cost of your own emotional well being.
I'm basing this off my own very similar experience, and in hind sight, I was quite a bit to blame for my unhappiness in that relationship because I didn't stand up for myself and walk away sooner.
But the thing is, is that i HAVE been standing up for myself. And we have been doing better. I mean up until 6 months ago i was a christian. At least i was trying to be one. But i am a pagan. I always have been. I just finally realized that it was ok to embrace it rather than force myself into a religion that made me feel like i prisoner. I didn't stand up for myself before, because i didn't think i was "allowed" to- you will know what i am talking about if you are familiar with the biblical view on marriage and relationships. he and i both thought i had to just "submit" to his every demand of me and deny myself for him. Im not going to lie, leaving christianity almost cost us our marriage. But when it got down to it, he decided he was ok with it because he saw that i wasn't a completely different. I was just letting myself out. I wasn't going to leave him for my religion or anything. It helped our relationship SO much to take that step. He struggled with it at first, (we were both raised in hardcore christian families), But now it is great. I feel like i can be myself. Express my spirituality more effectively ETC... also he has been questioning his own beliefs, and starting to do his own search rather just take what our parents taught us at face value. He has been much more open about many things since. My point is that coming out with my spirituality made us stronger and helped our relationship in ways that i never thought it could. Hes not changing over night, but i can see the changes happening. If i can be open and honest with him about my spirituality, i think i can at least try to be open and honest with him about my relationship preferences. I don't want to have to hide this, like i had to hide my spirituality.
He seems open to it on his side. He is open to my spirituality. Why should i not have hope that he can come to terms with and be open to this part of me as well? I have been thinking about this realistically. And i realized this about myself in the process. But that is also why i came here to get some input.