You know, the first time I read this, I didn't think I'd have anything to contribute. But having just had my first experience, I guess I do.
I was a little surprised, a lot surprised, to find I didn't have a lot of guilt. I'd been open and honest and so far, so good. I'm expecting things I'm not expecting, and I have no idea what, but I'm pretty sure at least one of us is gonna have weird feelings eventually.
I think knowing they both love me so much made it easier to move through the fear. SLOW. So slow, I didn't even know this is where we were headed slow. I don't think I could have done this four years ago.
But I have spent most of my adult life overcoming fear in general. Rebirthing was the first thing I did that helped fear go away. if you consider it, choose your facilitator wisely. It's deep and wonderful. I like it because it's a full body experience, not just a mind/talking head thing.
EFT is great for fear (emotional freedom technique ~ all over the internet); and I'm very fond of hypnosis.
In recovery from sexual abuse, I had the very good advice to prepare for fear ~ to create a safe space, in advance, before I got into a bad place. A stuffed animal, a list of people to call, a favorite blanket, a corner of a house or a room or whatever. It was good for that, and it's good for life. To think about what might make you afraid, and to think about what will comfort you and make you feel unafraid again. Maybe it's coming home to loving words and kisses from your wife. Maybe it's certain words. Maybe it's coming home to pot roast.
I was surprised to find I wanted some transition time. I was feeling so close to Current bf as I drove home, all I wanted was to see him and share all my crazy NRE. Fortunately, he was at work, so I couldn't call and couldn't get to him. As I got to my apartment, I realized I needed transition time.
So, there's some things to consider about fear.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)