Speaking to the family thing. Runic Wolf is an only child, his family is relatively small and has been spread out/ thinned out since we met in high school. I had a relatively large family in high school and when my dad came back into my life 11 years ago, he brought 2 more siblings and a side of the family that I'd been forcibly separated from by my maternal grandmother. My family is now huge and has historically had large family gatherings on holidays. I know that Runic Wolf is uncomfortable spending alot of time with my entire family and specific family members.
We spend alot of time with his family as a result of his mom being recently widowed and losing her father, husband, and sister over a 3 year span. So I have sacrificed spending holidays with my family (only spending an hour or so with them when we do) for a few years. This year, Runic Wolf agreed to spend Christmas day with my family and eat dinner at my Aunt's, although he fundamentally disagrees with her on almost every level.
I have had to make it clear that spending that time is important to me and that I felt it was unfair to spend so much time with his family and not spend an equal amount of time with mine.... I do think he finds it easier now that my siblings are all adults than when they were still kids/ teenagers, but we talked about it and reached a compromise. It seems to me like there isn't alot of clear communication about what you want/ need from each other and how to get it w/o leaving hurt feels, resentment, or disappointment.
Maybe it would help if the two of you took the love languages quiz together, as someone suggested. Or even if you took it separately, it might help you explain how you work to her.