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Old 01-10-2012, 05:25 PM
kirsten kirsten is offline
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Join Date: Sep 2011
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Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
I can totally relate to this statement! I've found that this is how my relationships with women generally are. Yes, there is lust, but it doesn't seem as primal as it is with men.
YES that's such a good way to put it, primal. Exactly. It's so awesome that someone else out there has the same experience.

Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
That emotional connection, though, is worth struggling through the stress that the lack of the physical part can lead to.
I just worry that Aurora will have stronger sexual feelings than I do. She's a bit more towards the lesbian side of the scale, and I'm more towards the hetero side. Then again, I am a chronic worrier. We seem to work through obstacles really well, and if it comes up, we'll deal with it then.

Quote:
Originally Posted by km34 View Post
After reading all of this, I must say it seems the three of you are handling the LDR aspect of your relationships very well. Keeping the communication open is one of the biggest struggles, I think, because you aren't able to take the visual cues from body language and such.
Aurora and I have really good communication. I do have a hard time communicating my needs at times but that's something I'm working on. I've basically had a lifetime NOT doing that so it's a totally new experience for me to be with someone who wants me to do that.

Drew is more closed-off, and for some reason I sometimes respond in kind. I'll feel shy about sharing something that I normally would just say. Not really mundane things, but emotional stuff. Since adolescence, I have been an open book, and would pour out emotions onto anyone who seemed interested. In retrospect I think I gradually closed that off to a healthier level of information exchange. But it's odd to suddenly realize that I'm not as open as I thought I was.

Another thing with Drew is that he does a lot of non-verbal communication that I do not pick up on at all. Aurora will sometimes let me know what's going on with him, like "Drew's kinda upset today about ..." and I didn't realize until I met him that 95% of what she's telling me about his emotional state was communicated non-verbally. And apparently I am not very good at picking up on the Drew-waves. Without Aurora as a translator I felt pretty lost as to where he was at emotionally. But I don't want to do the needy girl thing, "What are you thinking?" all the time. I'm pretty sure that just annoys guys!

I was listening to poly weekly #285 and Minx said, "What will empower you as you navigate your way through poly relationships is your ability to communicate. Which is great because you can always control your own ability to communicate." I think my natural inclination was to try to control Drew's communication level (not that I had any idea how to do that). But what I need to do is work on being more open myself.

Aurora tells me that he's more open with me, that I'm so in touch with my emotions that it's transferring to him. She says the way that they interact is changing because both of them are speaking in this emotional language with me, and then bringing it back to their own relationship.

Thanks for listening to me babble. It's great to have an outlet for this stuff, and even better to talk with other poly people about it.
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