@Nyc -- I love the idea of them having sex, I want that for them. And I've been considering whether or not this would *actually* happen, but... I have this all too plausible vision of them in their bedroom while I'm in the living room with Bee and me hearing them moaning and then me just starting to cry. It's one thing to understand and accept rationally why I'm not sharing that sort of contact with her/them right now. I think it'd be another to have it so close, to be given aural and visual cues to help me visualize it, and to STILL not be sharing in it myself and not knowing when I might get to do so. I would remember all the times we were intimate in that house, that it was the three of us in that bed, which is normally something I try NOT to dwell on in order to stay in a mindset where I can be accepting and patient and chill.
I don't see it as a matter of insecurity, I see it as a matter of avoiding a situation that might bring all of my sad feelings about my physical separation from my partners to a painful boil. So, envy, yes. But insecurity would be being afraid of being left out and this isn't a matter of irrational fear... I AM being left out, completely, and have been for more than a year. It hadn't been easy, not at all, even though I've managed to be pretty sanguine about it lately.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.