I understand it is hard for your b/f to come to terms with the situation. I was talking about cowgirls/cowboys today w/ my lover, Bee.
A monogamous man who engages in a relationship with a polyamorous woman with the intention of separating her from any other partners and bringing her into a monogamous relationship.
The thing is, being poly puts you in this minority... at least where I live. And anyone who finds out you're poly, if they are attracted to you, it makes you even more attractive. But sometimes as illustrated by rolypoly here
, not exactly the way you want.
But that's the paradigms butting heads. The mono is trying to make sense of the poly in mono terms. The poly doing the vice vs. That's how a lot of people get beat up on these forums (like your b/f)... also because there's a lot of support here. We see the jealousy, the possessiveness, the insecurity and we think "aw damn girl, you don't need that!"
We're all humans, we all have faults and most of us are trying to do our best to do right by the people we meet and develop caring and trust for. Your b/f might want to change, or he might like himself just the way he is. The big concern I have is that statement you made about him seeing your husband as the enemy whom he hates. Your husband has the decency to knowingly, metaphorically, let a man walk into his house to enjoy the company of his wife and that man sees him as an enemy to be hated?