I am also a woman in a vee with two monos. They were actually friends before we all were friends. When I broke up with first bf, current bf helped, both of us, a lot. He eventually became current boyfriend, and the three of us remained very good friends all these years. We have only just begun, so I certainly have no stores of poly info to drop. Just to say 'another one here.'
They both seem totally okay with it so far. First bf does live a few hours drive from us, so that seems to help. *I* seem to be a little more freaked out about than they, and I'm the one who asked for this. Current bf has theorized about it for years.
They're both fiercely independent and ...um, self-contained. So, I don't think they fret about me and where I am or what I'm doing, unless I'm in the room with them. I don't live with either one, so that makes a difference too. I think it would be a different conversation if we lived together, and it would be a very different conversation if I was looking at 'finding' a new person.
I emphatically agree with the others though ~ please don't force yourself to date 'for her.' That's just gonna lead to unhappiness somewhere.
Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own...
Robert A. Heinlein
Me: female, bi, (formerly hinge of a vee)
with FirstBoyFriend (FBF)(moderately long-distance)
and no longer with CurrentBoyFriend (CBF)(who lives in the apartment building next door)