Thread: Help Needed...
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Old 01-09-2012, 06:33 PM
ThatGirlInGray ThatGirlInGray is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Northern Cali
Posts: 552

Originally Posted by newguy View Post
So, my fiance' just hit me with, "I want to be poly"...but only after, "I want you to be poly". Now we have had this discussion before, but without the 'poly' term...she has stated that I could have my wife (her) and another woman also. When she first came up with this (prior to our engagement) I thought it was because I like sex and she does also, but not as much as me...I thought she just wanted help in that arena.
Another poly woman with a mono husband, here (he'll be by when he has time). I can tell you that earlier in our relationship (we've been together 14 years, so I'm talking a WHILE ago) I wanted him involved for two reasons: first, to share some of the physical experiences WITH him, instead of it always being him OR others, but also because I had feelings of guilt for "abandoning" him when I spent time with others if he didn't have anyone to be with. This was my own problem, though, not his. He actually enjoys his alone time. I had to work through my assumptions that caused the guilt, and that took time.
1) I'm worried that our sex will decrease with another dude in the picture (I know that sex should not be that 'big' of a deal...but for me it is)
I can't really help with this, as my sex drive is generally higher than my husband's so that's rarely been a problem. In my case though my relationships with other people had, if anything, a positive effect on my sex life with my hubby because I felt good and wanted to share that with him.
2) Other then long-term partner(s), what is the difference from swinging? (yes, I have read some articles but I want REAL people's response)
I am definitely not a swinger! At this point in time I've had PiV sex with ONE person ever- my husband. I've been physically intimate with other people but I was never looking for just sex. It wasn't about the sex, it was about the person. The attraction usually brought some physical component with it but that was generally a side-effect, not the main cause. (I find it hilarious when I get called a slut or whore for being poly since I'm fairly certain I've technically "slept" with fewer people than the person being all judge-y!)
3) On the poly site that I have visited, most poly-mono relationship has the man as the poly....I know that there are poly women on here so my queston is how does your mono partner handle the times when you are with your other?
I guess I sort of already answered this above, but...he does stuff. He's with our kids, or reading, or on the computer, or watching some stupid, cheesy made-for-syfy movie that he knows I'd hate.

I'm really lucky in that my husband and my partner are friends in their own right so, while alone time with each is definitely important, we can spend time hanging out all together too. I don't always have to choose. It's much harder, I think, when making plans with one always means telling another you're busy. I wish you luck as you continue to try to wrap your head around this! I AM poly, and sometimes I have a hard time wrapping my head around it!
Pan Female, Hinge in a V between my mono (straight) husband, Monochrome and my poly (pan) partner, ThatGuyInBlack
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