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Old 01-09-2012, 03:26 PM
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AnnabelMore AnnabelMore is offline
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Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 2,285

In my experience, a relatively small percentage of people genuinely like their partners' families. Many people don't even like many members of their own families. But spending time with our families is an obligation that we take on for a number of reasons -- for the sake of the ones we do like, out of a love that goes beyond liking or not liking, out of a sense of responsibility for past care and support, out of a respect for the concept of family, etc., all of which are valid and emotionally important reasons. And having our partners with us for at least some of that can be extremely validating, it can make the whole thing easier to bear if it's fraught, and it can bring us closer to our partners.

When people talk about a single partner not needing to be everything to you in poly, they're not talking about setting aside the core functions of a primary partnership (love, affection, support, counsel) to be fulfilled by one or more secondaries (since I assume that's what any new partner would be to you in this relationship structure, since your gf doesn't want to live with anyone else). They're talking about bonuses, like maybe your partner hates a particular sexual or recreational activity, with poly you don't have to go without sharing that with a partner for the rest of your life.

In case it wasn't obvious, I consider spending time with our partners' families now and then, unless there are extreme circumstances or it's really not important to our partners, to be a core primary relationship function. Primary-ness to me Is about family, and if she refuses to see your family without emotionally dumping on you for forcing her to do so, then does she really want to be family to you? Is she willing to make *any* sacrifices for your emotional well-being, or is it just about pawning you off on new poly partners so you'll stop bugging her?

If I were in your position, this is the issue I'd address first, and if it couldn't be resolved I don't think I'd stay.
Me, 30ish bi female, been doing solo poly for roughly 5 years. Gia, Clay, and Pike, my partners. Davis, ex/friend/"it's complicated." Eric, Gia's husband. Bee, Gia and Eric's toddler.

Last edited by AnnabelMore; 01-09-2012 at 09:21 PM.
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