Thread: Help Needed...
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Old 01-09-2012, 01:32 AM
newguy newguy is offline
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: U. S. A.
Posts: 49
Default Help Needed... I'm not sure how to go about this so please be gentle with me....

Evidently, I'm mono...didn't even know about poly until yesterday...I knew about swinging...anyway, I was blind-sided yesterday with this and have been doing as much research as possible to figure out if I can be in a poly situation or not...

So, my fiance' just hit me with, "I want to be poly"...but only after, "I want you to be poly". Now we have had this discussion before, but without the 'poly' term...she has stated that I could have my wife (her) and another woman also. When she first came up with this (prior to our engagement) I thought it was because I like sex and she does also, but not as much as me...I thought she just wanted help in that arena.

Background info...I have been married before and the only time I ever cheated was when my wife would not have sex with me...I explained this to my fiance' (then just girlfriend). I told/tell her everything because I want our relationship to be as open and honest as possible. So, when she tells me about the extra girl...I asked her then if she wanted the same...she said "no" me, dream come I know I'll have enough sex...

Yesterday, she started with, "I need you to do something for me...get into a relationship" not just sex, but a relationship...later, after several hours of discussions...i find out what the real deal is and I'm not with it at all!!!

But, here I am trying to rap my head around this...but I have been raised Mono (with hidden sides) but I love her and our I must at least look into this thing before I make a major (life changing) decision.

All of that to say/ask these concerns/questions (in no particular order):

1) I'm worried that our sex will decrease with another dude in the picture (I know that sex should not be that 'big' of a deal...but for me it is)

2) Other then long-term partner(s), what is the difference from swinging? (yes, I have read some articles but I want REAL people's response)

3) On the poly site that I have visited, most poly-mono relationship has the man as the poly....I know that there are poly women on here so my queston is how does your mono partner handle the times when you are with your other?

That's all I have for now...ok, not really but I don't want to write a novel.

Looking for any and all responses on this matter. Thanks in advance for not being to hard on this 'mono' dude.
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