Ok, this time I am having some thoughts on alone time circling in my head. The topic arose some weeks ago. Lin and I were cuddling on the sofa, suddenly he whispered in my ear: “I want to be alone with you.” That gave me a pause. I have had those thoughts more than once already, but it always felt to awkward to tell Sward: “Hey, we will be in Lin's room for an hour or so. See you later.” I could never bring myself to discuss the topic, it felt too early for something like that. In a case vice versa (me telling Lin that I want to be alone with Sward) I couldn't even think about it at all, because I knew how hard it still was for him, to think about physical things between Sward and I. Sward is a lot more OK with the whole thing, but still with a grain of salt mixed into it.
After the first occurrence I talked with Lin and Sward about the obvious need for some private time aside from the time we got with each other every other night.
The first discussion was lead with Lin when he first approached me with the suggestion. He paused for a moment when I asked him how he would feel if the situation would have been reverse, meaning me asking for some time with Sward. He said that he would feel really uncomfortable. Because normally he doesn't have to think about the things Sward and I are doing when we are alone at night. The difference for him was 'maybe there was something happening at some point during that night' and ' we will have sex right now'. He felt forced to think about it and the certainty that it will happen the very moment he would be thinking about it, was hard to gauge.
When I spoke with Sward about the issue, he said that he himself really thought a lot about the problem already and would love to handle this with a bit more ease, or generally have some handling at all on this possibility, because he really missed our quality time we normally got with each other. We tended to just lie down and talk about the day and things that were on our mind whenever we felt like it. In the new situation (Lin moving in and everybody being extremely cautious to not get on the wrong side of somebody) we seldom felt comfortable expressing this need at first but managed to get some of our time already.
Since then everyone has gotten a lot more comfortable with each other and things eased up tremendously. Well, fast forward to New Year's Day: Same situation as before, Lin coming to me, telling me something unrelated, we start to cuddle and without talking about it, it was obvious that we would need some alone time. And I plucked up the courage to talk to Sward. It still felt awkward and I had a hard time relaxing when I went to be with Lin. But it was the first step into an important improvement for our everyday life.
The next time this happened was today. Lin and I got our six-months-anniversary today and stayed up late to talk and took our time to recall all that has happened during the last year. It was a great and cosy night. I would have spend it with Sward, but he was really worn out from the renovation of the study and fell asleep on the couch earlier that evening. Lin and I didn't plan to stay up late and when I recognized that it was already 2 am I suggested to spend the night with Lin again, to spend a whole one with Sward today. We went to bed when Sward got up around 4am. When I woke up and went to see how Sward was doing in the living room around noon, he felt much better (was having a headache) and send me back to Lin after I came out of the shower 'to wake him up as gentle as I could'. I still felt this little awkwardness about him knowing/intending that Lin and I would be intimate again, but it felt much more natural.
When Lin and I were finally up and prepared our late breakfast, Lin came to me to tell me that Sward congratulated him on the six months and told him that his probation period was over as well. (Lin moved in on the 24th of September) Right now they are lying on the floor in the study and plan the best way to manage all the wires of our three PCs, because we are good to re-furnish our renovated study already. It looks so great. We decided to get some new paint on the walls, build our three person desk and rearranged our old stuff quite a bit. I will tell you about the renovation and the things we discovered about each other the next time I got time to update again. Being me feels really good at the moment