Originally Posted by SchrodingersCat
The other component is that abused people don't always realize they're in abusive relationships, especially with emotional/psychological abuse. Throw that into a BDSM scenario, and it easily enables the abuser to say "this is just part of our S&M play" and for the low self-esteem victim to believe him, despite her feelings that this is wrong or unpleasant.
The general distinction in my opinion would be that in a functional D/s relationship the humiliation and power play should be empowering and a positive experience for all parties concerned. If she doesn't seem happy, that would be a huge red flag for me.
I think you should address the issue.
What does your wife think about the situation?
I think it's a good thing you bring this up.