Originally Posted by KindaPOd
I can't remember exactly what I said. But I was specific. "Do you enjoy this? Is he abusing you? ect."
The thing about abusive spouses is that they come in two flavours.
One is incredibly easy to spot. They leave bruises. The neighbours can hear yelling and things being thrown around. They aren't subtle.
The other is incredibly two-faced. They know how to maintain their image in public. At home, they are free to do what they want.
The stuff that bf does in public with his wife is subtle. Average Joe wouldn't notice it. If you've ever been in an abusive relationship, you would notice it.
The other component is that abused people don't always realize they're in abusive relationships, especially with emotional/psychological abuse. Throw that into a BDSM scenario, and it easily enables the abuser to say "this is just part of our S&M play" and for the low self-esteem victim to believe him, despite her feelings that this is wrong or unpleasant.