Originally Posted by PolyKat
I see what I'm doing now... I can't run seeking a relationship with a woman when 98% of me is fixed on men. It's not fair to me or her to embrace this 2% because it's the only thing my current relationship will allow. And I can't talk him into polyamory so he'll understand me better because he's just not into such a lifestyle. I'm so stupid/desperate.
So, I either sacrifice myself and live monogamously or I end up with nothing.
It's not an either or. There is another option. Since there isn't an actual person on the horizon who you want to date at this moment you can continue to talk to your fiance about what you truly want out of life. I suggest not getting married until you've come to a conclusion that you can both live with. You're going to need to work with each other on boundaries, which are likely to change over time. Worst case scenario is that you find out now that long term you aren't going to be compatible in a relationship. Even if that's the case it's better to know that sooner rather than later so that you can both go on and find relationships that do fulfill you 100%.
PS I'm glad you realize that you shouldn't be forcing yourself to be with women just because it's something he'd be ok with. You should never be with anyone who you don't want to be with 100%!