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Old 01-07-2012, 11:36 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PolyKat View Post
I'm simply saying, I would enter into a relationship with someone that he wouldn't be intimidated by.
This begs the question - why would you put your boyfriend's apparent need to not be intimidated by someone before your own needs?

What if you met a guy and were instantly smitten? Let's say that, through whatever circumstances you met this guy, you get to know him better and are amazed at how compatible and perfect he is for you. He's great, and he thinks you're great, too. You can tell he's falling for you. You develop a crush, you fall for him... but your boyfriend is intimidated by him. So, you can't even go out on a coffee date with the dude.

Instead, you try to find a woman, because 1.) your boyfriend isn't intimidated by women; 2.) you aren't totally against the idea, even though vaginas scare you; and 3.) since you're not allowed by your boyfriend to love whomever you want to love, you'll at least have somebody and to prove to him... something (ick). Never mind that any woman you try to hook up with would feel like shit and second best - but hey, your boyfriend's insecurities are more important than anything else!

But you can't stop thinking of this guy that you have fallen for, because he has touched something in you and you really can't choose whom to love... and your heart breaks a little.

Do you not see that it's your boyfriends responsibility to handle his own insecurities by dealing with his feelings and making an effort to become as self-aware as possible? Why would you not even consider that it's YOUR CHOICE whom to be in relationship with, NOT HIS? Why do you let your boyfriend even think he owns you in that way? You should want him to know you have a mind of your own and that you need to fulfill your needs for yourself, not for him. Are you your own woman or not?
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An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/

Last edited by nycindie; 01-08-2012 at 03:19 AM.
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