Originally Posted by MonoVCPHG
I have been struggling a lot lately in regards to missing "normalcy" in how it used to be defined for me. Although I was never fully connected to the people in my old social community it was comfortable, stable, and understood. It was also what most of the people around me were doing and I'm totally ok with not questioning or going against the flow.
I have felt some resentment in being pulled into another community through my relationship with Redpepper.
Poly, sex positive, kink, BDSM, even activism, socialism, vegetarianism, and passionate environmentalism are all different to me in a community sense and yet they are a part of my life now. I am learning and finding enjoyment in some of these new areas but the sheer pressure of this feels like a tidal wave sometimes.
Love is not enough for me to be healthy. I have to be comfortable with the new social direction my life has taken. I don't see how I can separate myself from the community the woman I love embraces and wants; if it remains unknown than it remains a threat. I've played that out in my head and it would be "the beginning of the end" for me. It would be like living a separate life or having a casual relationship that is not acceptable for me. I am either romantically in or out. I can be friend or full blown Love, but nothing in between; there are no half measures with Redpepper.
So I struggle. I'm forcing myself to let go of an old community that I never really belonged to. I'm pushing myself to embrace the community the woman I love enjoys and am making headway for sure. I have a long way to go in coming to terms with this area of inner conflict but I get so much support from Redpepper and her husband.
The love I have for Redpepper is immense and has made me work harder than in any other relationship because the issues span a broad spectrum. Dealing with the mono-poly thing is just the tip of the iceberg in our relationship. We have taken a dive off a cliff and the waters are a lot deeper than they look….I just need to avoid drowning.
Peace and Love
Just wow. Articulate the struggle is more than what you did. I feel it man, and I am the poly one. Not sure how you are feeling now since I haven't been on here regularly but you nailed the overarching problem we all face in the mono-poly "border state." Even as a poly, I struggle with the anti-traditional or counter-to-everything-I-ever-knew way of living. Thanks Mon. As always I appreciate you.