Panic is bad
So T came over last night, I went to bed before she left so I have no idea how long she was here, but I had a panic attack when she got here. I've got to get control over my feelings about F and T. I can't have a panic attack every time she is here. I don't know if its because shes my ex or shes seeing F, I know I didnt have them before she broke up with me, so maybe its just the ex thing. Im not one for hanging out with my ex's immediately after we break up.
Either way, I know Im not comfortable with her being at the house and I also know I can't tell F she can't be at the house. Leaves me in a complicated place, I have to limit the time she is at the house in order to limit the amount of pain I have in her being here. I know I will get over it eventually, but for now I need space and time.
I found out her being here and F and T being in public places bothers my friend, who is like a little sister to me, because T is all over F.
Ive been trying really hard this week to be more relaxed and confident and well, more me. Im not sure how Im doing, but I do know Im trying and Im willing to do more. F admitted that he can see Im trying and that he doesnt feel everything is " back to normal " I just want him to be as happy and comfortable as I am in our relationship.
I am afraid that since he is a serial monogamist that his heart has already left me and moved to T. He says he still loves me and we are still having sex, so I guess that isnt a problem yet.
I have a feeling T and F wont last much longer than the NRE. I just dont think they are really compatible, they are too much alike. I have to keep that in my mind and just do the best I can as a loving girlfriend.
- For the pursuit of happiness, not the sit around and wait for happiness -
Jen - bi female
John (Juntas)- husband
M - John's girlfriend