Hey there, welcome.
I am a poly woman living with two mono men at the moment. When we discovered that I am poly it was big news for all of us and an exiting journey up to now. I am not sure that my husband is mono by heart, but he told me that he isn't interested in pursuing other relationships at this point in time. Both of them had to do some deep soul searching to get comfortable with this kind of relationship, but lastly decided to accept who I am, and to let me be and feel the only way that could make me happy. That was a great day
I am not sure if I would have completely healed from such a loss that a forcefully shut down love can be for a person. I think that you could have chosen a really rocky path there. We always have a handle on our actions, but that really isn't easy and hardly managable sometimes when the emotions are too strong.
You said that you talked about a 3way with her to get her to consider the idea. I think that this maybe was a bit counterproductive. The polyamorous stuff is about you, not her. Don't lump her in, trying to get her on board like that can backfire. Because the explicit thing you talked about was just sex and exploration of new sexual encounters, not the pursuit of new relationships. I am not quite sure where your focus lies, maybe she was confused as well. Are you looking for relationships with multiple people or for recreational sexual encounters? Have you had the chance to talk about the girl you fell in love with (that one you had to cut out of your life) in depth after/while it happened? Maybe you shouldn't write the possibility off right away and can try to explain yourself a bit firstly.
Seeking counseling for asking random girls for their picture is a bit much maybe. I also regard the secretive nature of this attempt as more worrisome than the thing itself. Have you been able to explain what was so faszinating about it?
Maybe figuring out what it is you need and how you would like to pursue it and then taking your time to talk to your girlfriend about all this stuff would be a great way to start off. And a great possibility to get even closer to her.
Facts: 30, female, bi, v-type relationship with Sward (husband, straight, mono) and Lin (boyfriend, straight, mono), poly-fi and co-primary.