I'm so sorry for what you're going through.
Even if you decided you wanted to be poly at some point, that woman is the last person on earth I'd want near me or my partner. I understand your husband's behavior does stem some from grief, but I'd find his behavior unacceptable. Hopefully the counselor will set him straight, I might even contact the counselor and tell them what is happening, maybe they will tell your husband how inappropriate that it is to bring an unwanted third party to a session, and at least they will be prepared to deal with the situation in case the unthinkable happens and your husband lets this person show up.
I really don't know what can make your husband see the light and stop supporting her behavior. I'd tell my husband that I was hurt that he was accepting her behavior of you, and that even if you accepted him having other partners, they sure wouldn't be ones who were rude to you.
If you are interested or willing in poly at all, I'd say that conversations about that are something that should be put off after you have had time to cope with the grief over losing your child, and you should tell him as much.
Nevertheless, she is pushy, and she is cruel, and the nerve to talk about maybe having a child with your husband is insane at this point in time. I have no idea how long your husband has known her but really, if he is going along with this, he must be in a really bad place mentally, and shouldn't be making any life altering decisions. I don't know if he has been like this before to you in any way (letting people treat you badly) but I am hoping it's just because he is feeling so lost.
I wish I had some more useful advice but I hope that this is just a really short phase and he comes to his senses. I hope you are able to refuse to talk to her again or to admit her into your home at the very least, your husband should respect that. You deserve better than to be subjected to that. And really, if he insists on letting her in, I might call the cops to show them how serious I was (unless you live in a really high crime area that can't spare them to visit your house) or get a restraining order if my wishes weren't respected. I think I'd rather either move out or have my husband move out than be subjected to that when I was going through so much.
(edit: I would get a restraining order if she came around a second time after I told my husband I couldn't be ok with her in my home, and find it unlikely I'd call the cops unless they put their hands on me, but I won't delete it because... under these circumstances, with the sexual coercion, verbal abuse and the stress it is causing, I can't say I wouldn't, so I won't pretty up or apologize for saying something so drastic)
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.
Last edited by Anneintherain; 01-06-2012 at 02:29 AM.