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Old 01-05-2012, 10:01 PM
TheMouseRan TheMouseRan is offline
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 2
Default Poly in loving relationship with Mono. Advice?

I started dating my girlfriend around 4 years ago. I'm deeply in love with her and we are compatible in every way but one... she's mono and I have recently discovered I am poly.

She is the first long term exclusive relationship I have ever had. She's kind, intelligent, funny and beautiful. My friends and family love her (perhaps more than me? lol). When I imagine my future the fact that she is a part of it brings a smile to my face.

Yet through the relationship there have been a few bumps. Most notably being when I fell for another girl. I was honest with my girlfriend about it and very painfully and abruptly cut off my relationship with the new girl. Sometimes I still think about her. In fact for quiet a while I've had to be careful about making platonic relationships with desirable women, to spare myself the temptation and hurt of falling for them.

Some time after that I had talks with my girlfriend about the nature of love, and also about the possibility of exploring sexuality with other people together (I only mentioned a 3 way, perhaps with another man even). She asserted that she could not be happy doing that. After sharing that with her I agreed to continue a strictly Monogamous relationship, for I could not bear to lose her. I also thought that these drives might be a passing phase, I'm only 21...

This next bit is a failing on my part. My girlfriend recently discovered that I had asked other girls for naked pictures over the internet. These were people I never met, but I got a certain exhilaration from doing this. It sort of progressed... Some people may call this cheating, I understand that perspective. Needless to say, she's very upset. Though it did in a sense serve to benefit. It re-highlighted the main divisive force in our relationship, that being our differences in sexuality. Considering what I had done I sought counseling services online for my behavior. Instead I found Polyamorous communities...

I guess what I'm asking is, if I really love this woman, what should I do? Do you know any examples of Polys living in strictly Mono relationships long term? How do they do it? Really anything will help...

TL;DR Can a Poly have a strictly Mono relationship and be successful? What should a Poly do when in a strictly Mono relationship with someone he loves deeply?
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