I too had responded to her thread, and the truth is, That is probably one of the LEAST judgmental or blaming threads I have ever seen anybody write. She didn't want you or your husband to change, she was just owning her own feelings and trying to figure out how she could change so she could better deal them and not be hurting your or your husband with her insecurities. I know I'd be glad to have a partner like that when it came time to deal with hard emotions.
I agree with redpepper that you might want to talk about starting the discussions from scratch, and truthfully this is because you read so much into her post. She didn't say you weren't bending over backwards for her, she didn't say she didn't appreciate you or like you, and that you read all that into her neutral post, there are obviously some issues that you have to work on, and from what you say here, I'd guess it's because you aren't being honest about your wants and needs.
"I have done this at all costs to me and what I have needed. "
Well that's the problem, you can't build healthy relationships when you are doing that. So stop giving up things that are obviously important to you. I know you feel like you should give up things because it was all your idea, but you should stop that right now.
You deserve a relationship based on everybody being honest about what they really want and need. If you want to compromise and give some of that up AFTER you've been truthful about what would really be ideal for you, then it's less likely you will be resentful about what you have "given up" (And likely you'd find that your partners don't want you to give up some of the stuff that you have sacrificed for them).
Happiness will never come to those who fail to appreciate what they already have.