As the second wife in a triad going on five years it is my opinion that if you are going to maintain that your relationship is more special and important simply because you and your husband share a peice of paper and four extra years together then you are greatly misjudging and underestimating the mechinations of the human heart. Those things can be inconsequential if two people share an intense connection. I think that you are being entirely unfair and cruel to on one hand give this woman the expectation that she is to be hissother wife and on the other hand state that she has no right to expect and in fact does not deserve the bond you share with your spouse. That is just mean. If you truly believe that then don't try to tell her she is to be his wife and quit this poly business with her entirely. Its cruel and she sounds as though she is going through enough already without having to deal with this heartbreaking farce of jealousy.
Originally Posted by countrygirl
The link to her posting is : http://www.polyamory.com/forum/showthread.php?t=19612
We have talked about these feelings in detail before, in fact, just after Christmas. I understand that we each are validated in feeling the way we feel, and I will admit to keeping things on an even keel to try not to further upset what she is currently going through.
I guess my thing is that me and my husband have spent four years building our relationship; she has only been around for seven months. I think by "putting us on even footing" that maybe she expects to be where we are emotionally, and I am sorry, but that won't ever happen. I may be wrong for saying that, but I do not know how else to put it.