So I tried to talk to hubby about it a few nights ago and it was a flop. lol I tried starting off with how in our past we had been interested in swinging or bringing a third person into bed with us, and he seemed to get a little uncomfortable. So I tried to explain that he didn't have to worry because I wasn't going to try to drag him into something that he didn't want to do (as in swinging) and it really had nothing to do with that anyways; and he immediately brought up my friend's name who is poly. Then I got defensive and said it had nothing to do with her, that it was just a coincidence that I met her; And then I just stopped and said never mind, because he was joking around and I know it was out of defensiveness on his end.
I told him I didn't want to hurt him and I love him and it doesn't have to do with him and I and our relationship at all, and he said to continue, but still had a smirk on his face and I just gave up.
I get really frustrated because I don't know how to say what I want to say without him joking with me. He's not the type to normally joke like that, so I know he does it as a defensive thing or when he is uncomfortable.
Since that crazy conversation nothing has changed with us, so I don't think he is worried about anything. Maybe it is all in my head I don't know.
However since then our friend (I'll call him Guy) has come over to split some wood with hubby this was his second day out here (can I just insert here, that there is nothing more sexy than watching two men I love be so ... manly. LOL It was very nice, and the best part.. this is the mom in me speaking now, he was so awesome with our kids. He reminded me of how hubby was with my son when I first met him. That tugged on my heartstrings.) . Both days he came over around noon and spent the rest of the day with us, eating dinner and watching a movie, before he headed home. I feel so comfy with both of them in the house.
Hubby's work schedule changed recently, and so did Guy's and it's going to change again soon, but in the mean time hubby and I had some time set aside where we were going to have a sitter for the kids and usually hubby and I go out to eat and catch a movie. But because the work schedule has changed I decided to go out on a limb and ask if he minded if I asked Guy to go to a movie with me, because I don't like going to the movies alone. He said he didn't mind; I'm pretty sure I think he was going to say something else or he was thinking about something, but he didn't say anything else. Maybe I was just anticipating something to be said, I don't know... It's going to be a completely platonic night out, I don't have any plans to do anything or let anything happen (if it were to even go that way, which I'm sure it won't), so I don't feel like I'm hiding anything from hubby or going against his wishes or any of that.
I asked Guy if he wanted to go to the movies with me and he said sure, he knows hubby's work schedule so he knows it is just the two of us. I don't know if he even thinks anything of it, I don't know if he knows how I feel about him.
I have not brought up my feelings and do not want to until I brought it up and out in the open with hubby. I think Guys trusts me that hubby won't be mad, a long time ago we all went out drinking and hubby started talking to some other people and I grabbed Guy's hand and drug him to the bar with me, on the way he stopped and said 'don't get me in trouble' (obviously talking about hubby) I looked at him and told him 'don't worry, I wouldn't put him in that position'. So I know he knows I wouldn't do anything that would hurt hubby or put Guy in a position where hubby would be angry.
I honestly just want someone to go to the movies with and he's just the first person I know who is free and doesn't have to find a sitter (all my friends have kids so they usually can't do anything). I actually didn't think he would even say yes when I asked him; I figured he'd have other plans or just turn me down, but he didn't.
Am I just digging myself a hole? How do I just put it all out there for hubby? I want to make sure he knows that I'm not going to go running around on him, my biggest fear is him worrying about me while he is out of town (when he is out of town Guy goes with him). What do you guys suggest, anyone who has been in my position from a totally Mono relationship and one just finding out they may be poly with a love interest? I know part of it is me over thinking everything... I'm pretty good at over thinking stuff