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Old 01-04-2012, 09:56 PM
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nycindie nycindie is offline
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vanille View Post
Quote:
Originally Posted by nycindie View Post
Is Armani reading this thread? I think it might be good to hear from him on this topic.
No. And there's nothing too new here. We do talk about everything. I'm sure I didn't paint him in a beautiful light (though I tried my best to defend him).

I do love him and am willing to do what he needs.
Well, the reason I asked is because it could be beneficial for him to see the situation "in print" and get opinions and feedback other people to whom he is not emotionally attached.

And no one here is saying or thinking Armani is a bad guy. At least, I don't think so. He's a member here and we all know you are both new to poly. But the fact remains that there is some radical inequality and unfairness operating here. Whether it is due to fear, insecurity, a sense of possessiveness and ownership over you, societal conditioning about marriage or what is proper for a wife or husband to do, he has some shit he needs to own up to (or open his eyes to, if the choices he's making is rooted in stuff that is unconscious) and deal with because it is affecting both of you.

And he may have a completely different perspective than what you perceive about the whole thing, so I would consider having him come here and read this thread. If you were here saying that you were doing something and people here felt we needed to call you on it, we'd give you the same tough love we have for him. No one is playing favorites, hon. And certainly no one is saying that you need to run right out and fuck someone to even the score and that he should be happy with it. Even if you wait another year before taking a step in the poly direction, this is about finding a way for it to work for both of you.
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"Oh, oh, can't you see? Love is the drug for me." ~Bryan Ferry
"Love and the self are one . . ." ~Leo Buscaglia "

An excellent blog post on hierarchy in polyamory:
solopoly.net/2014/10/31/why-im-not-a-secondary-partner-the-short-version/
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