Dinged, he doesn't live on campus and never will lol he only lives twelve miles from the college. It's a suburban campus. He also has zero interest in typical college parties (he partied some in high school), and the town doesn't have a nightlife after 2am bc of parking restrictions and bars close then too. We live in New Jersey lol so only liquor stores carry liquor and they close at 10pm lol so there isn't really much of a crazy, exciting campus life he's missing by continuing to commute. Of course, if he lived on campus, we would get more freedom (I mentioned I live in a neighborhood close to campus), but that would be a whole different loan he'd need to have cosigned just so he could live on campus...just to be with me. He shouldn't have to augment his student loans further just for me, you know, that's something he'll be dealing with for years and years.
As for me being married...most people will agree my group of friends and I (including my husband) are way more fun than drunken, sloppy college parties lol. We're only in our midtwenties and do plenty of experimental microbrew Friday nights (responsibly always, which appeals to my bf), Star Wars drinking games, jam sessions (my friends are all either musicians/artists and/or engineers...), late night Call of Duty fests filled with creative trash talk and weekend Asian food-gorging. Plus, many of my friends are comfortable with sex and various discussions of the sort and even some intercouple sex so there is plenty of interesting activity going on...with people who know what they are doing, if you catch my drift. My bf has a friend who goes to a different school (similar university though) who says similar things, "why you fooling around with a married chick, you should be hooking up with drunk college girls like me" and my bf responds with "I partied with my gf and her friends last night, and the only thing I missed that you didn't is awkward morning-after texts from a girl who passed out mid-coitus and a cheap beer hangover."
So siding with his parents on that front (missing college life) truly isn't accurate and my bf would agree with me. Annabel, all of your posts have me cheering. I don't think you're spamming this post. I agree with what you said and your defense on us continuing to see each other. Since last week, the situation definitely isn't better. His dad wants us to pretty much stop seeing each other (though my bf uses us being friends as a defense for that - that we're gonna go back to "being friends" even though we aren't doing that...) His dad even said the other day when his family was at dinner "You know, Chris....if you hadn't been wasting your time hanging out with a married girl, you could have a relationship that is actually going somewhere and she could be eating dinner with us right now." Brace yourself, Anna.....I was so upset about that comment...
Anna, you bring up a lot of great points. Parents aren't infallible and they are from a different generation where this kind of lifestyle is totally weird and hippy (his parent's aren't religious, but they are conservative....neither being common in my life or family.) Even though everyone who has posted on this forum with advice to help me has been kind and helpful, I definitely agree the most with Annabel. I also noticed she is closest to my age... many of you who have posted saying that we have to respect his parents wishes are indeed parents or are Chris' parent's age...I found that amusing and I totally get it!
Anyway...my conclusion is that I have a handle on this lifestyle, as do the people involved. Sure, it's gonna be a learning experience, but I intend to keep to the "campsite rule"...leave things in better condition than they were. Maybe not with Chris' parents but definitely with him...he is much happier being with me and if I can bring him joy and passion and happiness as much as he has given it to me....then I'm in, you know? And I'm a bit close-minded to close-mindedness. So as far as I'm concerned....Chris is an adult, isn't a trouble-maker, and isn't doing anything wrong. He's having fun and is happy. Those are the only things we have any control over, so we're gonna keep trying to make this work despite the overbearing concerns of his parents.
Thanks everyone for your advice and assistance. Hope your holidays rocked